I want to get up but my kids are early risers...

A mom from our Yahoo Group  left a question in the comments of our sleep post about early rising children. She wondered what to do.  Here are my thoughts on early risers... they may not be popular, but they are still something to think about.

My kids are good sleepers now, but they have been all over the place with their sleep and we have struggled at times.  Harry, my oldest, is an early riser, always has been, he used to have a knack for waking everyone in the house up... like a bull in a china shop!  So when he was 6 I told him if he woke people up then he would have to help entertain them! Through the years we have worked on things to help him stay quiet in the mornings, he can look at books, play quietly in his room, etc. 
It really doesn't come down to much more than parenting... learning how to be the authority and helping children understand what is acceptable behavior and what isn't.

It also comes down to looking at how children are dressed at night, many that wake up early wake because they are cold, it brings them out of a deep sleep as the body cools in the wee hours of the morning. Dressing them warmly helps a lot. We live in negative temps nearly all of January, Sam doesn't like covers.  The nights that he sleeps in his bed the most are the nights when he is dressed warm.  Last night he went to bed with long johns and pj' on.  He didn't wake until 7:30 and he's in my bed snuggled down to sleep some more.  

On the parenting end... there are several things I recommend... first, talk to your partner, if getting up early is important to you, then your partner will be willing to help. When babies are tiny, getting them to bond with Dad is really important.  Now of course there are itches only Mom can scratch, but we made a concrete effort for my two biggest snugglers to also love snuggling with Daddy.  Ellie and Sam. When Erik and I got married, Ellie was just four, it took time for her to really warm to Erik but he was a great sport.  When I was pregnant with Sam, Erik started doing the night time routine with her, telling her stories and singing with her, she fell in love with him very quickly and became his snuggler too.  Biological daddies should have an easier time as they are with their babies since birth.  Talk to your partner about stepping into that role of comforter so that when you do rise in the morning, waking children can snuggle up with Daddy.  I will say, a LOT has to do with how much they see you snuggle with Daddy - otherwise why would they want to?  A strong partnership means strong parenting.  Make sure your children see you affectionate often, this endears them to the other parent. Surrogate snuggling can really help Mom get up.  My older children also learned to snuggle together after my divorce, many mornings when I was single, I would rise to at least two in my bed, I would get up and they would snuggle up together, within the hour the third was in there too.  They have a nighttime closeness even now that they are older. 

Getting your toddler or preschooler to snuggle in with siblings or Daddy can be a big help to you.  What about the older child? I say once they are old enough to understand "Mom needs some time" - which is somewhere between 5 and 7 depending on the child, then it is fine to say, "our day starts at X" and follow through with it. That means they can get up, play quietly, not cause a fight, etc. until the day starts.  It will be tough at first, stick to it, remember you are the authority, if your family rule is 7am or 8am, then stick to it.  My children are getting so big, the older three have been doing this for years, they understand what Mom is like when she gets some quiet and what Mom is like when she's been nagged since 6am... not pretty, lol.  This didn't happen over night, it took years of me being in charge and helping them to understand boundaries. It also took a daddy willing to step up and help me.  Most dads will, just ask the right way! lol. 

Also, remember that while getting up with time to be alone is the goal, getting up even 15 minutes early will benefit your day.  Giving you time to settle in before the crowd hits! lol.

I hope this is helpful.  Work together as parents, find ways to get personal time for you both.  Be on the same page.  Love one another.  Be affectionate.  Let your children see that their parents want to be together. Don't take each other for granted. 

Blessings to you all.

 

Comments

[Cathy]

Thanks for the follow-up, Melisa. But wait for it....LOL......it doesn't really help our situation. Here's why:
There are no siblings to play with quietly or snuggle in with, and he can't snuggle in with Dad because Dad is busy getting ready for work because he starts work at 8am and has to get up and leave early too..

Our son has been an early riser from the get go, infact to get him to sleep until 5.30 we have had to make his bedtime later (if he had a 7.30 bedtime as recommended in all the books, he'd be up at 4.30, trust me, I know).

As for playing quietly on his own, well he has to spend large amounts of his day doing just that because there are no siblings or friends nearby. He probably spends quite a few hours of the day playing on his own whilst I am doing housework (and yes he does have chores, but he doesn't have the interest or ability to stick with me for the whole time whilst I am preparing meals, doing dishes, washing clothes, etc for hours everyday, so he goes off and plays on his own).

He wakes up early because he wants to be with us, not on his own.

I honestly don't think this has anything to do with not being an authority, or parenting style. Our circumstances are different to yours and so getting up earlier than my child in our household can't work. When the day comes that my son decides to sleep in, which I'm hoping will happen sometime when puberty hits lol, I will be so full of gratitude getting up early at 5.30 will, believe me, be a joy.

Blessings, and thanks for trying!
Cathy
Who is not a morning person but has been forced to become one since her son was born 7.25 years ago.

[Melisa Nielsen]

Remember Cathy, I am a find a way, make a way woman! I have worked with hundreds of families over the years with situations similar to yours. Let's think about ways you can make it work. What if you went to bed by 9:30pm, then you would easily be rested enough to get up at 5am :) also, your son is old enough to occupy himself for 30 minutes through the day so you can have some quiet time for planning, etc. The key to all of this is to be OPEN to what things CAN work. Many things can work, we just have to adjust our thinking to it. If you have the desire, Divinity has the answer. Stick with it my dear, you can find a way! ~ Blessings.

[Cathy]

I have found a way to do my planning, which I have been doing for well over a year now. On a Sunday my ds and dh have "Daddy day" and I plan my week, do research, reflect on the previous week, reflect on how well a block went if we are just finishing up, write my journal......it works well and ds is blissfully happy because he gets to do boy things and bond with dad.

I guess I was just trying to point out that getting up early before everyone else does not work for all families. I know it works well for you, but it is not the ONLY way to be, nor is it the best way for everyone.

Blessings,
Cathy

[Melisa Nielsen]

Cathy, clearly you don't need this post then :) This was aimed at all the mamas that write me each week (dozens) who can't find balance, they can't get their meals on time, their planning done or their house in order or their children together - mamas with several children and they can't seem to get a grasp on how to move out of the cycle they are in. Those are the mamas that have written me praising the early rising. If you don't have a problem with planning, having a tidy house or getting in your inner work then of course this post isn't for you my dear :)

I have a ton of experience in this area, when there is something you want to strive for then you should go for it and work on it, if it applies to your neighbor and not you then you shouldn't worry about it because you must have it under control. I work with with moms no matter where they are, to become all they can be for themselves and their families, every solution is a bit different. I bet if you really wanted to get up early and change how you worked then we could find something for you, but it sounds like things are wonderful in your home so change isn't necessary.

Blessings.

[stacy]

I so agree with getting dad/partners on board to help. since hubby does all of the getting ready for bed and nighttime parenting, i have had a full night's rest usually b/c my time to really rest begins at 7pm. Hubby is an early riser so he makes time to cook oatmeal or grits for us most mornings so all we have to do is stumble down to the kitchen. The girls usually come into my room for a morning snuggle or to finish a bit of sleep with me. It's precious and totally works for us. Thanks for this post as it speaks to me as I have never been 'a morning person'.

[Melisa Nielsen]

I am so glad you have a situation where your husband is willing to help. It makes all the difference in the world! Blessings to you on this journey.