When I choose to get up...

I have been working on a little experiment, I haven't talked to anyone about it, just silently went about it until Erik asked me what was up and the children wanted to know why our house was in chaos.  

The biggest excuse (yes, lol, I said the E word) I get from mom's is "I just can't get up, I am not a morning person" or "I know I can't get more done in the morning" or my very favorite....drum roll.... "it is too hard"  - now I know, if this is a trouble spot for you then you are probably mad at me, but before you start with the hate mail, let's talk about my experiment and about the WHY's behind keeping a regular sleep routine.

For my experiment, I chose the week between Christmas and New Year's. I had been doing my Holy Nights meditaions and that is how the idea came to me.  I figured that our store would be slower that week as many families would be resting (note to self: bad idea, most of you were planning and many of you were shopping, lol.) I wanted to know what would my day look like if I chose not to get up.  I wondered if maybe I am just full of myself and getting up early isn't all that important.

I should preface this: I am 22 weeks pregnant, our business is equal to two full time jobs, Erik and I share the load. While I am the face of it much of the time, he's behind every DVD, CD, label, you tube clip, video editing, book editing... you get it, he's busy too, lol.  Plus we have four children 13, 11, 9 and 4yrs.  These are busy people with lessons and scouting and *stuff* they want to get done.  Erik and I are very active in church, we teach Sunday school and I am also a Bear Den leader for scouting. We are busy. Probably the busiest people we know.  I was afraid of what would happen if I just stayed in bed, it has been so long since it has happened for more than one sick day.

Day one, got up at usual time, 5:30am, had a full day and then stayed up knitting until 11pm.  I was bone tired and figured I would sleep in on day 2.

Day two, dang, I was awake at 5:30 again. So I laid in bed, tossed and turned, reminded God that I was doing an experiment for the good of everyone, lol, I slept for another hour.  At 6:30 it was still pitch black outside and I was determined to stay in bed so I pulled up a Steiner lecture that I have heard a million times before and cozied into the bed, dozed off and woke to raised voices at 8:30.  There was no yelling, just loud happy children in the kitchen making breakfast on their own.  Remember, my children have been trained for years so they just got busy and figured I was pregnant sleepy and they went about taking care of things. The day went on, but lunch seemed to come WAY too fast and orders were coming in through the store and I was starting to feel a little tense.  I spent the afternoon in the office. Our regular morning activities did not happen, we were out of time.  No family prayer, no scripture study, no morning get together with my hubby, no singing, no bean bag games. 

Day three, awake again at 5:30, I read for a bit, answered emails from bed and then just before I knew the kids would be up I put on a lecture and dozed.  Woke at 9am. The people in the kitchen were louder than the previous day but still went about getting breakfast going.  This time they forgot about their morning chores and when I got up the kitchen was a mess.  I had to pull them back in and remind them to get started. I never ate - it was lunch before I knew it... where in the heck did the morning go? I was back in the office for part of the afternoon and the kids sat in front of the TV. Not at all what I enjoy.  Twice while I was working I had to break up an argument.  Despite the extra sleep, I was exhausted before 9pm.  I climbed into bed to knit and fell asleep.

Day four, people are onto me.  Kids are asking me if I am feeling ok - NO I am not!  My days are not what they should be.  This experiment is getting painful and I don't like it.  Again, I woke early but stayed in bed. Dozed after an hour.  Today I woke up with a startle. They were arguing LOUDLY about who spilled the juice.  Erik was trying to mediate and things were escalating.  We rarely have major morning arguments so I got up to investigate.  On my way to the kitchen I spied the status of the living room.  What in the world happened in there????  I had to remind myself that I volunteered for the experiment and found myself muttering - HOW do moms live like this??  This is insane. Four days in and I am fit to be tied. Our morning activities are non-existent, I am spending far too much time managing people instead of enjoying them, chores aren't getting done, my house is a mess. This has to be the last day of the experiment. My lunch and dinner isn't getting made on time and people are cranky, the TV is on more than it should be, people are fighting and I am behind on emails, Beacon work and shop orders.  Erik was really being affected too... he needs me to do my job so he can do his, he became yelling man which is SO not like him. I confessed to him my experiment and we decided together that is was time to be done with it. Nearly the entire day was spent getting caught up and putting the house back together. 

So what does a normal day look like? A day when I get up and take care of me on MY time and get ready to greet the world?

Yesterday looked like this:
5am - got up, praised the Creator for the new day, put my feet on the floor, shuffled to the potty.  Grabbed some kefir, prayed.  It was cold so I climbed into bed with my laptop and answered emails for an hour and took care of the business I could from bed.  Then I went down to the office, took care of some shipping. 

7am - I am still finishing up Jacob's plan for the second semester so I pulled out my planning and got busy.

7:30am - Heard Harry down in the shower. Checked the time and started to set aside Jacob's plan so we could start our day.

8am - Happy people stroll into the kitchen, they are glad to see me and we get started on breakfast.  Breakfast here is nearly always hot with the exception of Sunday morning when we are rushing.  So Jacob started making biscuits, Ellie started gravy, Sam helped Harry with the dishes and tidying the living room.  I start the eggs. My house is coming back into order.

8:20am - we eat and clean up together.

8:40am - family prayer and scriptures.  We came across this great saying:

 "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God"

God has a sense of humor... why this verse? why today? LOL. A lively discussion came after in light of my little experiment.

The rest of the day went so smoothly, lunch on time, bread was made, school got done, a trip to the knitting store through the snow, two client calls, dinner... I climbed into bed... later than usual, around 10pm... but what a peaceful day.  There is such a huge difference in my days when we are all on the same page, working together.  Even Sam, much more calm, very delightful to be with verses the days where I stayed in bed... on those days he had more meltdowns than normal.

This might just be my little experiment, but I sure learned a lot. When I get up, I am giving myself and my family a gift. I am taking time I need for me and filling my cup so others can drink from it.  

Circumstances like a new baby or sickness can get us off track so work with what you have.  Steiner said that the sleep before midnight counts as double so you will be much more rested if you go to bed at 9 or 10 and sleep for 7 hours than you will if you go to bed at midnight and sleep 7 hours.  When you have a little one that tends to notice every move, you can still get up.  When Sam was tiny, I would get up, potty, nurse Sam and nuzzle him to sleep on the sofa next to me and then work. This worked until he got more and more snuggly with Daddy, which is something we cultivated together because both Erik and I knew that if we were going to build a business so he could leave his job then he'd need to help me have good mornings. 

Give yourself a gift! Get up before your children, take the day!  It belongs to you!

Love and blessings.

 

 

Comments

[Basia]

I have to admit, I am one of those people that gets up when my children get up. Sometimes, my husband looks after the children while I catch up on sleep after tending to my toddlers during the night as they are going through things like teething. I would love to become a 'morning person'. Perhaps this is something I can work on this year!

[Sheila]

Oh Melisa - we were experimenting together! Only I didn't know mine was an experiment. Let's just say, my week between Christmas and New Year's was about the same as yours - except throw in some chicken pox for us. Yesterday was a terrible day. I really wanted to rant to the list. But I called my husband, talked to him in my "mean mother" voice - all the things I wanted to say to my oldest. And then I just kinda let myself stew - like I said, I really wanted to just vent to the list. I had the image pop into my head of not remembering how to boil water - and I am a great cook! But that is how bereft I felt in my parenting at that moment (well, it was longer than a moment). But I just felt like I absolutely didn't know what to do, didn't know where to start - like I had forgotten how to boil water.

Anyway, I wrote about it in my planning book, and things came out - the underlying reasons as to why our day was going so poorly. My husband came home and asked me how I was doing, and I told him I wasn't ready to talk about it, but that - unfortunately it had more to do with me than the kids. Don't you just HATE being the parent sometimes. We debriefed last night after the kids were asleep. We went to sleep and before I knew it the alarm was going off. I was in dreamland - literally that deep dream sleep. And I was dreaming about yesterday's situation. I let myself come out of the dream, wake up, and Melisa, I swear, a story/solution came to me. I threw the covers off, got dressed, came downstairs and wrote about it so I wouldn't forget the details. I titled it something like "The breeze does have things to tell me." after that Rumi quote you use. Then I wrote a list/schedule for the day like Carrie at the Parenting Passageway talked about the other day. Baby steps, baby steps into our new daily rhythm.

Well, I didn't mean to write a book - but, it is proof to what you are saying. OK, we are going for our walk now. Back to work.

[Melisa Nielsen]

Great stuff Sheila!!! It really does make a difference. Even if you are only up a few minutes before they are, it counts! Blessings.

[Melisa Nielsen]

Basia, you can do it! We can do anything we set out to do! I believe in you. Blessings.

[Jennifer Smith]

I don't think I've ever commented, I mostly lurk, but this is an area I need the most work. I have some questions, though.

I am a SAHM to 4 children under the age of 6.5yrs old. I am currently 26wks pregnant and as you mentioned, *not* a morning person. I've never been. My mother recalls my difficulty as a child getting up in the morning, but my ability to stay up well past the time all my brothers and sisters would be tired. We also have another wrench thrown into our lives, my husband's schedule.

My husband has a long commute (2 hrs one way most days) and often doesn't get home until 8pm. By the time he's eaten, spent some time with our children (who have a 9pm bedtime so they can see their father), put the kids to bed (right now they need either my husband or I to be in the room til they fall asleep which usually take 30 minutes), completed the nightly tasks, and spent time together, I usually don't go to bed until at least 11pm. To get 8hrs of sleep would have me rising at 7am, which right now is what I'm striving for (though not as successfully as I'd have hoped lately). My children usually rise between 8am and 9am. I struggle to get up at 7am, if given my way, I'd sleep til at least 8:30am ;-)

What would your suggestions be for a family whose daily scheduled is geared toward the night hours?

[Melisa Nielsen]

Hi Jennifer, good question. When I first started writing, Erik was still working and once a week he was gone until 10, he was a reporter so he often had to go into work on call when news was breaking that they wanted in the morning edition. We adjusted. He knew how important it was for me to keep a good schedule. He was always supportive of me going to bed or being asleep when he got home.

What if... you greeted your DH as he came in the door and passed the baton to him by 9pm? My guess is that with his 2 hour commute he's up early in the morning. If you go to bed at 9pm then you should easily be ready to rise by 5am, that's 8 hours and those ones before midnight count as double! I know it is harder being pregnant, I have a harder time getting up too, but I have slowed myself during the day so that I am not so exhausted and I sneak a short snooze if I need to. Usually sitting in a chair, knitting in hand, lol. So if you got up with your DH, had some snuggle time, shared a conversation when you are both fresh and alert, then he leaves and your day starts. Would this work at all? What about moving closer to his job? is that at all an option?

Just some thoughts, you can do it! And really if you are up by 7am and the children don't rise for an hour, well then you are doing it! Up before them! Blessings.

[Allison Fambro]

Did you write this for me? ;-) I have been getting up earlier each day for my readings workouts and resetting the laundry so I am aware when the kids are up. 6am has been a struggle for me. But I know we have better days and a cleaner house when I am ready to meet the kids instead of them dragging me out of bed. Thanks for the insight!

[Cathy]

Hi Melisa,
I know that you regularly advocate early rising - but I would like to know if you still think your day would work out the same if all of your children also got up at the same time as you? What if your children were early risers so that the only "me time" and time for planning etc you could have was late at night? Surely your daily routine only works because your children sleep in later than you do? For me to have the same amount of early morning quiet time as you appear to I would have to get up at 3am. Do you still suggest that this is what I should be doing?

Not trying to be provocative or anything, just this is the reality in our household.

[Melisa Nielsen]

LOL I welcome provocative! I am going to make a new post for this question Cathy. Watch for it. :)

[San]

Great words of wisdom! Something for me to work on, as I and my husband generally rise at the same time as the kids!

Looking forward to reading your next post in response to Cathy's question.

Blessings to you
San

[Nancy Major]

Melisa:
In reading this and all of the comments, I am thinking that those who struggle with arising before the children, whether the children are super-earlybirds, or the mothers struggle to come to life in the icy darkness, might consider another approach. Perhaps the idea of being ahead of the children is what is critical. By this I mean that perhaps they could devote evening time after the littles are in bed to setting up the morning. Set the table, pre-prep breakfast, set up the circle time and main lesson, etc. Maybe even do that load of laundry or unload the evening dishwasher. The prospect of waking to a fully prepped home might encourage earliness.

Your teaching in preparing the children for early rising is part of this. Children who get up before parents have responsibilities as you have described.

I am not writing to undermine your wonderful plan, but to offer a step-wise suggestion fro those who struggle.

Keep up the wise work,
Nancy